Highly effective couples’ counseling
Couples’ work requires a format that guarantees emotional safety, and that is my specialty. I’ll guide you to communicate much differently than you would at home. This slows things down and removes all blame, shame and criticism. You’ll get to the heart of issues, and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s needs. The process turns conflict into an opportunity for growth and healing.
The consistent format of the sessions creates the predictability the brain needs to feel safe, avoiding “fight or flight” mode. This approach delves deeper than conflict resolution. You’ll learn to share your vulnerabilities and reconnect on an emotional level, so that you can rediscover the joy and passion of being together.
How is a session with an Imago Therapist different?
Instead of facing me, you’ll sit facing your partner. I sit to one side, halfway between you.
I function as an active coach, facilitating a new experience of communicating with your partner.
Imago is strength-based, meaning we focus on increasing positive interactions and tapping into your strengths and resources as a couple, and less on failures and shortcomings.
I will teach you a specific way to communicate, a 3-step Dialogue (see below). You learn to “listen so the other can talk, and talk so the other can listen.”
I start each session with an Appreciation Dialogue, which helps you learn the skills in a positive, non-threatening way.
The 3-step Dialogue is a structure you can use together at home. After all, the therapist is only with you for an hour a week, and the rest of the time, you’re on your own.
You’re acknowledged as the experts in your particular relationship.
I’m preparing you to “graduate” from couples counseling with the tools you’ll need to create and sustain emotional safety, repair hurts, and keep your love alive.
The 3-Step Dialogue
In recent years, Imago Therapy has been more widely introduced into communities outside the therapy room, through relationship education programs. The 3-step Dialogue has been called “Safe Conversations” in this format, although traditionally it’s been called “Imago Dialogue.” The two terms are synonymous, as you’ll see in the video below.
The dialogue makes communication as clear and positive as possible, in a three-step process:
Mirroring: Repeating back what your partner said, so their feelings are heard.
Validating: Seeing your partner’s perspective from their point of view, without surrendering your own.
Empathizing: Imagining the feelings your partner had while they were sending their message.
Origins of Imago Relationship Therapy
Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt co-created Imago Relationship Therapy in 1980, and it’s now practiced by over 2,500 therapists in 52 countries. Imago Therapy hit the mainstream in 1988 with the publication of Hendrix and Hunt’s “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples,” which became a New York Times best-seller, sold over 4 million copies, and was featured regularly on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” I recommend the book to new clients, as it presents the key concepts in an easy-to-follow guide.